Does age matter in a relationship?

[TechnoWolf]

For me personally, I think a lot people use ?monogamy is a lie? as an excuse to simply given into their sudden urges.

Totally.

Do you want to leave a widow longing for you if you die before her? I rather my beloved be free, have flirtatious moments with others, go out and have fun. Life is too short to live with just one person. I don't despise those that do otherwise.

And still my grandmother did that and is still in shape (as much as you can say a 90 years old lady is in shape). I must say I believe my remaining parent will do the same.
And as for me personnally, I don't want to leave a grieving widow because I don't want to marry & have kids. Got enough problems as it is.

[icannotdomyjob]

the fact that there have been and still are people who succeed in having a lifetime commitment with one single person is proof enough for me that marriage isn't against our nature.

Oh, I am not saying it is not possible, I am just saying it is unfeasible, and unfit, in the sense of adaptability and survival.

For me personally, I think a lot people use ?monogamy is a lie? as an excuse to simply given into their sudden urges.  But of course for some (or a lot), they find nothing particularly wrong with that way of thinking and I can totally relate to it.  Why not enjoy life while you can, right?

I don't use my sexual fitness as an excuse to NOT commit to my beloved, and be beyond faithful as to mate only with. More like sex is the most natural thing in the world. And mating with more than one suitor is just being human. You can't "cheat" your spouse if they [all] consent to temporal relationships. Yes, there is instinctual jealousy, the urge to compete with other suitors. But that is just nature making sure you are the most fit in the nuclei.

But I guess for the romantic in me, being able to be in a committed relationship with someone is the greatest compliment someone can give to me.  Being able to stick with me through thick and thin and also love me after all of that?  Only a few other things in life would be able to make me as happy!

Take as an example how France citizens view relationships: You have one or several spouses you will be with for a lifetime. Going on the occasional flirting and temporary flings means nothing more than a fling. No one feels "betrayed." And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day. They still stick with you through the ugly and bad, and love you for their eternity.

But I can also understand those that choose not to have those lifetime commitments. And they still have intimacy with others, some even partial, but they commit little, since they are independent, mentally and economically.

[TechnoWolf]

Take as an example how France citizens view relationships: You have one or several spouses you will be with for a lifetime. Going on the occasional flirting and temporary flings means nothing more than a fling. No one feels "betrayed." And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day. They still stick with you through the ugly and bad, and love you for their eternity.

But I can also understand those that choose not to have those lifetime commitments. And they still have intimacy with others, some even partial, but they commit little, since they are independent, mentally and economically.

What ?
Eeeeer, no we don't. I know countless number of girls & guys who would go ape sh*t insane at the single sight of their girl/boyfriend daring to look at someone from the opposite sex.

"And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day" => Who the hell told you that ? if a woman feels betrayed, unless she is totally submitted to her husband (which is a possibility even outside of France), she won't come back, she'll tell the man to gtfo (and she'll be right).

Huh. We're not different, I know the general consensus is that french people have no complex whatsoever lovewise........... Well, no, we do. I'd even say most people in France find very easily things unbearable and do not even
attempt to work things out, and will go to divorce & stuff... yeah, I've seen that happen a lot of time. And I assume it's the same in the other countries (at least the western ones).

[icannotdomyjob]

I know countless number of girls & guys who would go ape sh*t insane at the single sight of their girl/boyfriend daring to look at someone from the opposite sex.

Yes, there is instinctual jealousy, the urge to compete with other suitors. But that is just nature making sure you are the most fit in the nuclei.

"And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day" => Who the hell told you that ? if a woman feels betrayed, unless she is totally submitted to her husband (which is a possibility even outside of France), she won't come back, she'll tell the man to gtfo (and she'll be right).

Experience and studies. Learn more:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interpersonal_relationship


Also, keyword there:

unless she is totally submitted to her husband (which is a possibility even outside of France),

It comes back to commitment. If you cannot commit to your most beloved, there's no relationship. That is why people that want to form a relationship should talk about their stance in sexuality and relationships early on, and really plan it out. No one would go "ape sh*t" if all parties involved consent.

the general consensus is that french people have no complex whatsoever lovewise........... Well, no, we do. I'd even say most people in France find very easily things unbearable and do not even attempt to work things out, and will go to divorce & stuff... yeah, I've seen that happen a lot of time.

Count me as one of the few, that bear it, and love to work things out. Compromise is the mother of prosperity. It's how nations were built. It takes tolerance and patience, but above all: passion. Yeah, I know the status quo is stubborn, but they still make settlements.

I assume it's the same in the other countries (at least the western ones).

harems (Think this one on your own)

[TechnoWolf]

"Instinctual jealousy". Are you kidding me ?

 

So, we are bound to our nature of being jealous because we instinctly want to be the better man/woman. Someone possesive is not different from someone not possesive, but somehow, there's one that goes crazy

and not the other. But that's just nature. Self-respect seems to be busy, at the moment.

 

 

Why will your partner always come back crawling even if you're a jerk to him/her ? => Wikipedia link.

 

Yeah. Great. Awesome. Until He/She eventually leaves for good. Not seeing where it's written that french people are flirting more often that other countries, maybe it's nature, I don't know.

 

 

"It comes back to commitment"

 

... Submission... is a commitment. Okay, in a way.

 

 

"If you cannot commit to your husband, there's no relationship"

 

So in short, she's right to be submitted and that's the only way to go. Rules of Nature, I guess. Self-respect's out of the window by now. As well as feminism, but that's another topic, we're derailing this thread enough as it is.

 

 

"That is why people that want to form a relationship should talk about their stance in sexuality and relationships early on, and really plan it out. No one would go "ape sh*t" if all parties involved consent."

 

...

 

 

...

 

 

"Honey, I really wanna be with you, but before everything, I think you should know I like dressing as a woman on friday night, and getting spit on by black guys while whipping fat dudes wearing a pig mask"

 

BEST.COMMITMENT.EVER

 

 

Count me as one of the few, that bear it, and love to work things out.

 

 

... And that's not the only list I'm gonna add you in...

 

jk

 

You know, I'd try to work things out too, I wasn't saying it was a bad thing. I just wanted to point out the fact that : No, France is not different, and your wikipedia did not prove otherwise. I believe this is

mentality (I'm back with this word) that matters and will do the trick, and that isn't necessarily bound to nature (it is, but not ONLY to nature). And commitment, well commitment is great but, guess what, you can be a total scumbag and make false commitments, so yeah. And where was I going with my mentality story ? Oh yeah, so it's the same thing in France, and in the other (western) countries.

 

And your answer to that was another wiki link (WIKIPEDIA FTW !!!) about harems.

 

 

ERMAHGERD there are people who enjoy having sex with several men/women therefor everyone are like that !

 

 

......... Guess I'm reeeeeaaaaaally really late.

 

Oh well, mine will be better 'cause we have WINE in France. HA !

[TechnoWolf]

Oh, do it now, I'm cool with it.

[TechnoWolf]

Edited a bit of stuff, yeah, it missed some parts (for the record, I'm pretty sure I wrote them, so... I don't know)

[icannotdomyjob]

"Instinctual jealousy". Are you kidding me ?

No:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy#Romantic_jealousy
Biology has a lot to do with it. Possessive individuals are another matter entirely, but it has to do with that drive to protect loved things, including family.

So, we are bound to our nature of being jealous because we instinctly want to be the better man/woman.

Making sure our beloved is not taken, or exploited. Trying to keep this conversation rated < 18yrs. It's a protective instinct.

Someone possesive is not different from someone not possesive, but somehow, there's one that goes crazy and not the other. But that's just nature. Self-respect seems to be busy, at the moment.

I didn't get this section really well. But there are overprotective people, and crazy people. I am an empathetic one, understanding most sides of an issue. Saying "all" would be too pretentiousness, if I believed in the multiverse.

Why will your partner always come back crawling even if you're a jerk to him/her ? => Wikipedia link.

Treating someone discourteous always abounds consequences, regardless of a relation or not.


The wikipedia link was for you to understand non-monogamous relationships, and the many kinds there are. External links present some studies.

Yeah. Great. Awesome. Until He/She eventually leaves for good.

I am not so sure what the ironic "Yeah. Great. Awesome." was directed at exactly, but facts are facts, regardless how anyone feels about them.


People do leave relationships, it's why I do not believe in marriages, lifetime pledges to someone. At the end of anyone's day, the one who individuals really answer to is their own selves.

Not seeing where it's written that french people are flirting more often that other countries, maybe it's nature, I don't know.

I didn't say that. I said:

Take as an example how France citizens view relationships: You have one or several spouses you will be with for a lifetime. Going on the occasional flirting and temporary flings means nothing more than a fling. No one feels "betrayed." And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day. They still stick with you through the ugly and bad, and love you for their eternity.

I am talking about the French philosophical approach to relationships, and stance in sexuality, not the current state of French libido and actual relationships. But there are LOTS of statistics on that too:
https://encrypted.google.com/search?q=studies+on+sexuality+by+countries


However, nature yields that humans should be promiscuous. Does not mean you can abstain, like 56008 exemplified.

"It comes back to commitment"


... Submission... is a commitment. Okay, in a way.


"If you cannot commit to your beloved, there's no relationship"


So in short, she's right to be submitted and that's the only way to go. Rules of Nature, I guess.

Fixed a misquoted word, but....


I purposely used the word commitment, since relationships are a party thing, not a one-person-does-it-all. Submission is giving into someone, depending on them. The opposite of what I stand for. I believe in interdependence and independence. The more people can rely on each other, the better. Not succumb to another; unless that is your preference.

Self-respect's out of the window by now. As well as feminism, but that's another topic, we're derailing this thread enough as it is.

That's not where I was going, at all. I am for:

I rather my beloved be free, have flirtatious moments with others, go out and have fun. Life is too short to live with just one person. I don't despise those that do otherwise.

Why would I be against people clamoring for equal treatment, regardless of

age, sex, shape, personality, race, species, affiliatation, etc..

?

[icannotdomyjob]

Part 2, because too much text.

That is why people that want to form a relationship should talk about their stance in sexuality and relationships early on, and really plan it out. No one would go "ape sh*t" if all parties involved consent.

...




...


"Honey, I really wanna be with you, but before everything, I think you should know I like dressing as a woman on friday night, and getting spit on by black guys while whipping fat dudes wearing a pig mask"


BEST.COMMITMENT.EVER

I am unsure what was meant by the image, but if a beloved is honest with me, and I loved that part of the person, I would not object. At the least the beloved confronted with the deep secrets like those to tell me, and time to decide if I wanted to be with, than learn way too late into the relationship. I do not like going blind into a relationship, of any KIND. I stand by that motto even more in business deals.

Count me as one of the few, that bear it, and love to work things out.

... And that's not the only list I'm gonna add you in...


jk

Ok..., as long as you understand I can change, and maybe not fit those qualifications in the future.

I just wanted to point out the fact that : No, France is not different, and your wikipedia did not prove otherwise.

Maybe you did not look at the external links, but people view romantic relationships differently than others. Why I implied the harem thing at the end. In some cultures, people are be considered properties. I am not saying France thinks that way, I am saying they, like the others listed, are more laissez faire about the whole thing. And yes, many are still stubborn, but the ones I listed are more honest about the whole thing than others.

I believe this is mentality (I'm back with this word) that matters and will do the trick, and that isn't necessarily bound to nature (it is, but not ONLY to nature). And commitment,

Well, "mentality" needs education and training to evolve, so it really goes back to readiness. If a person is not mentally prepared to handle the fact that people are different, and have their own quirks, they will not be able to prepare for the wonders of a stable relationship; which is always a wild ride full of surprises.


It's why humans evolved the theory of the mind, and a conscience, to prepare and engage with others alike, for the benefit of their kind. So it is natural to explore, to discover, to adventure, and to share. Without those things, this species would have not been able to overcome the many disasters that it has faced. But it took dedication; lots of commitments, lots of compromises.

you can be a total scumbag and make false commitments, so yeah.

Yes, and those are the dishonest kind, the ones that I test their "maturity" "early on."

And where was I going with my mentality story

? Oh yeah, so it's the same thing in France, and in the other (western) countries.

I wish that was case, but lots of northern hemisphere areas, a few islands, and a big country called Brazil would disagree.

And your answer to that was another wiki link (WIKIPEDIA FTW !!!) about harems.


ERMAHGERD there are people who enjoy having sex with several men/women therefor everyone are like that !


......... Guess I'm reeeeeaaaaaally really late.


Oh well, mine will be better 'cause we have WINE in France. HA !

I posted the harem thing, because every country thinks differently, including people, and the majority that exercise the practice think vastly different, including western countries. Although harems are mostly a Middle Eastern thing. Counter argument with hyperbole example (execution failed).


But you are "late" if you did not know about an ancient and still active practice.

Spoiler

Though I'd think you young instead, since it's history. Older than the Torah itself.

[TechnoWolf]

No:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy#Romantic_jealousy';

Biology has a lot to do with it. Possessive individuals are another matter entirely, but it has to do with that drive to protect loved things, including family.

So, rules of nature, again, I guess ?
 
 

I didn't get this section really well. But there are overprotective people, and crazy people. I am an empathetic one, understanding most sides of an issue. Saying "all" would be too pretentiousness, if I believed in the multiverse.

...The... the multiverse ? what ?
 
 

The wikipedia link was for you to understand non-monogamous relationships, and the many kinds there are. External links present some studies.

I clearly remember the thread title being "does age matter in relationship", and our little discourse gravtitating toward the fact that I was seeing you starting to write that, in France : " You have one or several spouses you will be with for a lifetime. Going on the occasional flirting and temporary flings means nothing more than a fling. No one feels "betrayed." And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day. They still stick with you through the ugly and bad, and love you for their eternity."
 
Which, as a frenchman, not only say this is wrong (and no wikipedia is gonna prove me wrong on that), but also say that it could very well be the complete opposite. Or, maybe, I do live in the only region of France where this isn't happenning, and if so I wouldn't be surprised, but then, well, what can I say. I only state what I saw.
 
So, really. What do non-monogamous (which are forbidden in France btw) have to do with this ? please, no studies allowed. Tell me what you saw in France, if you saw anything that is.
 
 

I am not so sure what the ironic "Yeah. Great. Awesome." was directed at exactly, but facts are facts, regardless how anyone feels about them.


People do leave relationships, it's why I do not believe in marriages, lifetime pledges to someone. At the end of anyone's day, the one who individuals really answer to is their own selves.

Yet you believe in commitment. So, let me tell you what your point looks like to me :
 
1 : "I wanna be with you forever" - "OHMAGAWD ! YES !"
 
2 : "I wanna marry you" - "I don't believe in this."
 
In both cases, the situation would result in the two people staying together until the end (Unless <insert random accident here>).
 
 
 

I didn't say that. I said:
 


I am talking about the French philosophical approach to relationships, and stance in sexuality, not the current state of French libido and actual relationships. But there are LOTS of statistics on that too:
https://encrypted.google.com/search?q=studies+on+sexuality+by+countries


However, nature yields that humans should be promiscuous. Does not mean you can abstain, like 56008 exemplified.

No, you said
 

Take as an example how France citizens view relationships: You have one or several spouses you will be with for a lifetime. Going on the occasional flirting and temporary flings means nothing more than a fling. No one feels "betrayed." And the spouse still comes back and loves their most beloved at the end of each day. They still stick with you through the ugly and bad, and love you for their eternity.
 
But I can also understand those that choose not to have those lifetime commitments. And they still have intimacy with others, some even partial, but they commit little, since they are independent, mentally and economically.

Oh. And by the way :
 
"However, nature yields that humans should be promiscuous. Does not mean you can abstain, like 56008 exemplified.
 
Nature is wrong.
 
 

Fixed a misquoted word, but....


I purposely used the word commitment, since relationships are a party thing, not a one-person-does-it-all. Submission is giving into someone, depending on them. The opposite of what I stand for. I believe in interdependence and independence. The more people can rely on each other, the better. Not succumb to another; unless that is your preference.


 
That's not where I was going, at all. I am for:
 
Why would I be against people clamoring for equal treatment, regardless of ?

Didn't include what you quoted, I know, I still acknowledge that.
 
Well, as long as respect is included in a relationship of someone not being equal to another that has different age, or something (and by respect I mean "true respect" inspired by "trust" and not by "fear"),
I would be okay with that. And the example is : the respect between a teacher & his/her student (something I'm seeing less and less). But that is another topic.
 
As for the equal treatment & stuff I brought up myself (feminism, and all that jazz) : yes I am for, too. No worries on this side. My one grip with feminism itself (at the least in France, again, I can only state my mind
based on what I see, so it may be different in your place, which I've been assuming was Germany, but maybe you'll prove me wrong), it's that the battles they are having are stupid, irrelevant and won't make
minds evolve at all (ex : say "Madam" and never more "Miss"; ex 2 : "Stop holding the door open for us, that's demeaning" - note that I hold the door for men as well, it's not a matter of being galant/demeaning (because apparently
it seems to be the same for french feminists), it's a matter of being polite)

[TechnoWolf]

Part 2, because too much text.

Lie. It's because you can't contain all that TechnoWolfness on your own. Admit it.
 
(me neither in fact)
 

I am unsure what was meant by the image, but if a beloved is honest with me, and I loved that part of the person, I would not object. At the least the beloved confronted with the deep secrets like those to tell me, and time to decide if I wanted to be with, than learn way too late into the relationship. I do not like going blind into a relationship, of any KIND. I stand by that motto even more in business deals.

I meant "whao, this relation's really not gonna last".
 
 
How about learning it less suddenly ? like after some time of knowing each other ?
 
 

I do not like going blind into a relationship, of any KIND. I stand by that motto even more in business deals.

But you are anyway, you will be blind one way or the other, you never fully know people. Not even your family. I stand by that motto everywhere : business, love, friend, foe, gaming, life. Everything.
 
 

Ok..., as long as you understand I can change, and maybe not fit those qualifications in the future.

Don't try to make me work on my lists more than I should. In fact, I don't even have lists, so joke's on you !
 
(actually I have only one list : it's called the "assholes-don't-call-them-list")
 
And yes, that "segregation by preference" to quote your very word. And you know what ? I'm fine with it. 'Cause I've been trying to work things out with these people for years, and no results, still being treated
like dirt. So yeah. Segregation by preference does have its advantages.
 
 

Maybe you did not look at the external links, but people view romantic relationships differently than others. Why I implied the harem thing at the end. In some cultures, people are be considered properties. I am not saying France thinks that way, I am saying they, like the others listed, are more laissez faire about the whole thing. And yes, many are still stubborn, but the ones I listed are more honest about the whole thing than others.

Yes and my question was "why do you think France is so different on this topic ?" expecting you to have a really strong argument, something I would not know, and the answer was a wiki link which never mentionned any
clue to have an answer to my question. And later on there was the harem link. So. yeah. I was confused and thought "Is pewpew really implying that we in France are mating like in the cliches it might have heard about ?"
 
 

Well, "mentality" needs education and training to evolve, so it really goes back to readiness. If a person is not mentally prepared to handle the fact that people are different, and have their own quirks, they will not be able to prepare for the wonders of a stable relationship; which is always a wild ride full of surprises.


It's why humans evolved the theory of the mind, and a conscience, to prepare and engage with others alike, for the benefit of their kind. So it is natural to explore, to discover, to adventure, and to share. Without those things, this species would have not been able to overcome the many disasters that it has faced. But it took dedication; lots of commitments, lots of compromises.

Ah. Now something interesting.
 
"For the benefit of my kind, I will commit" => it's funny how everything with you, ends up being bound by our nature. In the end : feelings are just out of the window.
And maybe I won't disagree on that. But still, I am unsure we're bound & slaves to our nature.
 
Maybe it took commitment, but it could have miserably failed. But I'll keep that for later.
 
 
 

Yes, and those are the dishonest kind, the ones that I test their "maturity" "early on."

"The test, you haven't pass"
 
You do whatever you want with your time, I just honestly hope for him/her, things didn't go that way :
 
- " I love you"
- " Really ? Are you ready to $$$?^$^?*??^?*^?M%:%%!%m^?$?
 
 
 

I wish that was case, but lots of northern hemisphere areas, a few islands, and a big country called Brazil would disagree.

<insert Lake Hylian seal of approval here> ?
 
 

I posted the harem thing, because every country thinks differently, including people, and the majority that exercise the practice think vastly different, including western countries. Although harems are mostly a Middle Eastern thing. Counter argument with hyperbole example (execution failed).


But you are "late" if you did not know about an ancient and still active practice.

Spoiler

Though I'd think you young instead, since it's history. Older than the Torah itself.

I did know about harem. But, as I stated above : your argument and how it was put in words suggested that in France, harems was a wide practice. Which isn't. And if it can be in some region
("racism" french controversy alert)it would be in the corners of my "beloved" city, where a lot, lot of immigrants from the southern countries (Marroco, Algeria, etc...) are living. As you stated :
it's an eastern practise, so spreaded by them more than by the other immigrants I have too (second immigrant community in my place being the Chinese).
 
Now if anyone from these communities happen to read that. No I don't believe it's always the case. I just know it happens sometimes, somewhere, among this social class (don't try to prove me
wrong by sprouding the word "racism", you know you'll fail).
 
There already are social cases justice in my place where the situation was "one man married to several women" asking for governments financial helps for each single wives. And since polygamy is forbidden
in France, well, you know how this judgement ended.
 
 
Conclusion to that :
 
You know, I don't believe in marriage either. Really. I don't. I've been
going out last week end with friends, because one of mine is getting married this summer, and I could already see how fragile this whole situation could become (with only one little drink in the guy's belly).
 
So really, I think marriage is something that could work (my grandparents, my parents, and, I hope, my brother, who just got married recently) but as for me ? no, I don't want to marry, and I don't want to have
kids either. So that settles it.
 
And, logically, I don't believe in commitment. I think people making commitment are lying. Maybe not intentionnally, I'm not saying everybody's a bad person. I believe people commiting are lying to themselves at first.
 
But I know what you're gonna ask me "what about those people who did it ?" ; well : what about those people who married (something you don't believe in) and did it too ?
 
You wanna know what ? luck. Luck saved them. Not the luck of meeting each others, but the luck of being with someone "ready to work things out", or should I say "ready to think & question him/herself".
 
This category of people represent now less than 1% of the people I'm surrounded with. And THAT is what I test with people : can they use their brain ? can they suppose they are wrong. I met no one ready to do that, for now. Not a single person. Not even on the internet. And you'd want to commit to someone like that ?
 
...
 
Good luck.