Does age matter in a relationship?

[TheRaven]

As the title states, does age really matter to you when you're in a relationship? I figure we could discuss this here as it's a serious topic I suppose. To me, age doesn't matter but of course as long as my partner is an adult. Age is but a number to me, and it doesn't measure how mature the person is. I mean I'm 24, and still act like a kid at some moments in time. So what are your views on this subject?

[TheCloudyEye]

Depend on what kind of relationship you're looking for. Relationship is a pretty vague term that can refer to many kind of human-to-human interaction.

[TheRaven]

Oops I should have specified that, I mean a romantic relationship. :V

[MechaGS]

I think that as long as both are over the age of consent, then it shouldn't be anyone's business what age they are respectively.

 

Then again, I do sometimes find it weird to see some 20+ year old going out with a 60+ year old (which is blatantly for their money later in life).

[TheCloudyEye]

If the age difference of the couple in question is too great, say like 20 or more, then I find it really ridiculous. While normally, when one looks at a couple like this, the first thought would be that it is a relationship based on material gain, but that's not always true. I've seen some couple that, despite the huge age differences, they are quite happy.

 

I say age do matter in a relationship, as it affect how you view your partner. Some people like myself would like to be with someone my own age, other prefers someone older or younger than themselves. And there are people who prefer someone much older or younger.

[icannotdomyjob]

romantic relationship.

You pretty much answered your own question. When a person is in love with someone, it does not matter who or what they are or have, the person is in love with the other person enough to form a romantic relationship with all the peculiarities the beloved has.
That includes age, sex, shape, personality, race, species, affiliatation, etc..
If you mean that is not culturally accepted in your society, then that's something you have to resolve on your own. Other countries, like France, India, Thailand, have accept the fact that humans are humans. As humans, everyone has their own preferences. As long as it's not forced, then the world is your limit.
All the consent you need is that of your beloved other.

[56008]

Eh, I don't really agree to that.  Sure, people fall in love and tell themselves that certain things about their partners don't matter to them (i.e. age, personality, hobbies, even sex!), but over time these things may eventually become "issues".

 

As people age, their habits, hobbies and physical needs tend to change over time.  And if there's such a huge age gap between a couple, they can most definitely run into some situations where they can't relate to one other and maybe even start feeling disconnected from one another.  I've heard plenty of stories of retired husband driving wives crazy because they're now constantly home and becoming "intrusive".  And if you throw in an age gap, you can see that becoming an even bigger issue!

 

But the point is that I think that age can and most likely will matter at some point of the relationship, regardless of how big or small the gap is.  If it matter "a lot" or "only a little", it really depends on the couple.

[TechnoWolf]

As 56008 said : people change by aging.

 

Experience taught me that it doesn't always affect the couple, but it makes it evolve. I know a man who wed a girl who was 6 years younger. When they first got together, I could tell she was so adoring him, she was 17-18, and he was

a "real" man (at least to her eyes, I can tell you he really got immature sometimes). Now, she has become an adult, and they couple still work, but I can definitely say she now is more in charge than he is. Maybe he likes it this way, I don't know...

 

Another example where it ended badly : one guy, I think he was 17 or so, tried to date a 14 years old girl who he thought she was "mature for her age" (you know it never occurs anything good when the argument starts like this), he thought

there would be no problem as long as they would see each other. BUT : do you really think a 14 years old girl can go out like that, especially when she has overprotective parents, especially when her "boyfriend" is three years older, especially when she knows him from the Internet ?

 

The boy had one thing going for him : he wasn't an idiot. He wanted to be with her but not on the Internet, he wanted to be with her for real and she didn't seem that interested (she was young, I guess). So after several months, he decided to abandon this. Not sure they ever met again.

 

 

What's the point of these stories : age matters, but mentality matters more. One, you gotta be prepared, and two, you gotta know he or she will change his/her mind on several things and you may not recognize the one you loved at the end of the day.

[icannotdomyjob]

As people age, their habits, hobbies and physical needs tend to change over time.

It's also why I do not believe in marriages. As people change all the time, so do relationships. I would not hold someone down from doing what they want. I do not expect people to solely rely on one person for intimacy, even through out their lifetime.


Any society that is, and has ever existed, depended on polygamous relationships, even if ephemeral. You could not be here, today, if your ancestors did not breed with more than one suitor. This included incest.


If the human species is to last, it must overcome cultural stigmas, and promote diversity, esp. of the human genome. Diversity is the key to variability and abundance. Without it, humans would have been extinct.



This is one of the most important parts of any relationship (intimate or not):

One, you gotta be prepared, and two, you gotta know he or she will change his/her mind on several things and you may not recognize the one you loved at the end of the day.

One has to prepare, and discuss everything before any long term commitments are made. This adage is true to anything, including mortgages.


Romance although, that's always changing, like a long lasting mood.
@TechnoWolf

For that second example, both were ill prepared. One was reliant on the parents and ill prepared, the other ill informed. Internet relationships are as fickle as this post. Real intimacy starts with exchanges of secrets.


If it was my situation, I would already tested the "maturity," even go as far as make a plan with the parents to "marry". But if there was no interest in commitment, then their would be no need to push further.

but mentality matters more.

And commitment. An intimate relationship is one that exercised every second, and tested regularly. If there's no interest in maintaining that commitment, there's no relationship, by definition.

[TechnoWolf]

Any society that is, and has ever existed, depended on polygamous relationships, even if ephemeral. You could not be here, today, if your ancestors did not breed with more than one suitor. This included incest.

Especially in my part of the country >.>

And commitment. An intimate relationship is one that exercised every second, and tested regularly. If there's no interest in maintaining that commitment, there's no relationship, by definition.

And you, my friend, just summed up my entire love life and why everytime I tried enterring into a relationship, it was a doomed to die project that crashed in endless misery.

Experience taught me you'd eventually end up getting a taste for it. Some people think I'm just becoming an evil madman, I like to think I can appreciate the view from the other side of
the window...

[Lienx]

Once your adult, I don't think it does. As long as of course you don't have ulterior motives.. I'm married, and my spouse is 11 years older than I am. As long as who you are with isn't like, a teenager or something, I think as adults you have the right to fall in love with whomever you choose.

[icannotdomyjob]

@TechnoWolf

It's nature, it's how all humans have adapted to survive, in the hundreds of its existence. If you don't accept nature, you are against it. That includes humanity.

 

I can keep going with this line of discussion, but unfortunately it will lead to a 18+ conversation. Basically, it had to happen, it must. The global climate change which will bring droughts and flooding must be balanced with humans able to quickly adapt and breed amongst the changes.

[TechnoWolf]

Still.

 

Funny how you say you don't believe in mariage, but you say you believe commitment matters. Mariage is supposedly a commitment.

 

 

 

Speaking of which. T'is a good thing the only commitment I put was never to betray myself. It may sound easy to do, but it seems very hard for some people...

[icannotdomyjob]

Mariage is supposedly a commitment.</p>

A lifetime commitment. Why I implied the mortgage "relationship" in my previous post.  Do you want to leave a widow longing for you if you die before her? I rather my beloved be free, have flirtatious moments with others, go out and have fun. Life is too short to live with just one person. I don't despise those that do otherwise.

[56008]

Regardless of the scientific backing of "monogamy being a myth", the fact that there have been and still are people who succeed in having a lifetime commitment with one single person is proof enough for me that marriage isn't against our nature.  Plus with so many factors to consider when explaining how a marriage/relationship succeeds or fails, I think we're really over simplifying things here if we simply look at "stats" (such as success or divorce rates) to help us understand this complex topic.

 

For me personally, I think a lot people use ?monogamy is a lie? as an excuse to simply given into their sudden urges.  But of course for some (or a lot), they find nothing particularly wrong with that way of thinking and I can totally relate to it.  Why not enjoy life while you can, right?

 

But I guess for the romantic in me, being able to be in a committed relationship with someone is the greatest compliment someone can give to me.  Being able to stick with me through thick and thin and also love me after all of that?  Only a few other things in life would be able to make me as happy!